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The Zen of Overheating
Apr. 17th, 2005 09:04 pmSo I'm driving home today and get to Tacoma when *FOOM* steam is everywhere. "Oh for fuck's sake," says I, "I knew I shouldn't have attempted to drive north in this car again..." And then I promptly pull over. I limp to a Chevron that has a repair bay in it, but it's 6pm on a Sunday so the damn thing is closed. The woman inside wont go into the auto shop and sell me a piece of tube, nor will she sell me electrical tape or duct tape. Instead she loudly tries to convince me to tow my car home (using high pressure sales techniques). I refused.
So I buy some packing tape for $2.50 from the convience store and try to wrap that around the blown tubing (which isn't going to work since the damn thing gets very hot, very wet, and very pressurized but that is all I can come up with). So there I am wrapping this damn thing up when I hear from behind a voice that sounded like a cross between Little John (Yeaaayah) and Rick James (Bitch, get ovah heah and have sex with charlie murphy) say to me...
"'EY! LEMME ASK YOU SOMETHIN!"
"What?" says I, as he and his friend get out of their minivan (Cervesa in hand) clearly drunk.
"Let me show you something!" he says as he reaches into his jacket. This guy is super sketchy and my eyes likely came out of my sockets as I'm thinking to myself that getting stabbed or shot over my POS car was not how I intended to end the day. So he gets really close to me and whips out a veterans card.
"Cool, man," I say. Relieved.
"Can you help us out man. Like give us a few bucks?"
"I would but I'm flat broke and my damn car is broke."
"What's wrong with it? We could probably fix it if you give us some money." Still sounding like Rick James.
"Coolant pipe exploded on me... again."
"We can fix that, man. My friend's a mechanic and I... I know everything."
"That's cool, man, but I'm broke," I say, amused.
"How about five bucks?"
"I'd give you five bucks, but I just used it to buy this stupid tape. All I've got is $2.50."
"Give us that, then."
"What the hell, here you go."
"Cool, man, my friend will help you out. Wanna smoke some bud while we wait?"
"*laugh* Nah, man, I got finals and need to keep my head on straight."
"I know how that is, man. I have some coming up too." Upon hearing this I can barely keep from snickering since this dude is about 45-50 and very obviously a transient.
So his friend comes over, looks at the car, and says to me "Man, I like that dude but he talks way too much... let me look in the van for some tubing." I go to help him. As I'm helping I notice that the manifold around the steering column has been removed and the van has been hotwired. Awesome, I think to myself, I'm getting help from drunken military vets turned car thieves. Best. Day. Ever. I'm clearly enjoying myself.
So we can't find a damn tube and about this time the woman who wants me to get a tow truck starts shouting at us. We're not allowed to stay there, she insists, and is going to call the cops if we don't move. I tell her that I can't move because I'm broken down and if she sold me the tubing I would have been gone a long time ago. She goes back inside, bitchily. We go back to work.
So finally the drunken mechanic shrugs, pops the hood, and CUTS HIS FUEL LINE! "This should work," he says. Fuel spurts until the pressure releases. "Careful, this might explode," he says to me. I am grinning from ear to ear by this point.
So we take the fuel line, cut off about 6 inches, and put it back on his car. Then we take the 6 inches and put it on mine. Then there is a moment of tension where we both start our cars (while Rick James/Little John is smoking out behind the Chevron) and we hope that neither of them explode since they're both fairly nicely drenched in fuel.
BUT THEY BOTH START!
"Wait a minute," he says "we need to make sure it works so we need to heat it up." So we get it running for a while and then to test to see if it is warm he doesn't look at the temp gauge. No. He opens the radiator, sees that it's bubbling, and promptly sticks his finger in it. "Yep. That's pretty fucking hot." He says. "HARDCORE!" says I.
And there were no leaks. So with a handshake I was on my way.
Now if I was a typical yuppie I would have never talked to those guys and probably would never have made it home. I got a car repair, an awesome afternoon, and a funny story all for not ignoring them and giving them the change in my pocket. There is a lesson to be learned there.
My day was awesome.
So I buy some packing tape for $2.50 from the convience store and try to wrap that around the blown tubing (which isn't going to work since the damn thing gets very hot, very wet, and very pressurized but that is all I can come up with). So there I am wrapping this damn thing up when I hear from behind a voice that sounded like a cross between Little John (Yeaaayah) and Rick James (Bitch, get ovah heah and have sex with charlie murphy) say to me...
"'EY! LEMME ASK YOU SOMETHIN!"
"What?" says I, as he and his friend get out of their minivan (Cervesa in hand) clearly drunk.
"Let me show you something!" he says as he reaches into his jacket. This guy is super sketchy and my eyes likely came out of my sockets as I'm thinking to myself that getting stabbed or shot over my POS car was not how I intended to end the day. So he gets really close to me and whips out a veterans card.
"Cool, man," I say. Relieved.
"Can you help us out man. Like give us a few bucks?"
"I would but I'm flat broke and my damn car is broke."
"What's wrong with it? We could probably fix it if you give us some money." Still sounding like Rick James.
"Coolant pipe exploded on me... again."
"We can fix that, man. My friend's a mechanic and I... I know everything."
"That's cool, man, but I'm broke," I say, amused.
"How about five bucks?"
"I'd give you five bucks, but I just used it to buy this stupid tape. All I've got is $2.50."
"Give us that, then."
"What the hell, here you go."
"Cool, man, my friend will help you out. Wanna smoke some bud while we wait?"
"*laugh* Nah, man, I got finals and need to keep my head on straight."
"I know how that is, man. I have some coming up too." Upon hearing this I can barely keep from snickering since this dude is about 45-50 and very obviously a transient.
So his friend comes over, looks at the car, and says to me "Man, I like that dude but he talks way too much... let me look in the van for some tubing." I go to help him. As I'm helping I notice that the manifold around the steering column has been removed and the van has been hotwired. Awesome, I think to myself, I'm getting help from drunken military vets turned car thieves. Best. Day. Ever. I'm clearly enjoying myself.
So we can't find a damn tube and about this time the woman who wants me to get a tow truck starts shouting at us. We're not allowed to stay there, she insists, and is going to call the cops if we don't move. I tell her that I can't move because I'm broken down and if she sold me the tubing I would have been gone a long time ago. She goes back inside, bitchily. We go back to work.
So finally the drunken mechanic shrugs, pops the hood, and CUTS HIS FUEL LINE! "This should work," he says. Fuel spurts until the pressure releases. "Careful, this might explode," he says to me. I am grinning from ear to ear by this point.
So we take the fuel line, cut off about 6 inches, and put it back on his car. Then we take the 6 inches and put it on mine. Then there is a moment of tension where we both start our cars (while Rick James/Little John is smoking out behind the Chevron) and we hope that neither of them explode since they're both fairly nicely drenched in fuel.
BUT THEY BOTH START!
"Wait a minute," he says "we need to make sure it works so we need to heat it up." So we get it running for a while and then to test to see if it is warm he doesn't look at the temp gauge. No. He opens the radiator, sees that it's bubbling, and promptly sticks his finger in it. "Yep. That's pretty fucking hot." He says. "HARDCORE!" says I.
And there were no leaks. So with a handshake I was on my way.
Now if I was a typical yuppie I would have never talked to those guys and probably would never have made it home. I got a car repair, an awesome afternoon, and a funny story all for not ignoring them and giving them the change in my pocket. There is a lesson to be learned there.
My day was awesome.
