Big Wheels
Apr. 10th, 2006 03:16 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pendaSo I was driving home from class this morning and something occurred to me. Unlike the majority of America, I don't gain any pleasure from the act of driving. I love to travel, but driving itself isn't fun. You never found me during my teenaged years saying "Lets cruise, man!" Just not my thing.
And it isn't the car I'm driving. Granted, the car I drive is a more potent form of birth control than any pill or condom you can find on the market. This beast of a machine has more dirt than paint, more fur (from my dog) than carpet, and has a smell that has to be experienced to fully comprehend. Let me put it this way... If you took the skinkiest dog in the world (mine) and drove him around in that car, and then you filled it with old bags of Wendy's food that have been left to rot, AND put the body of Dave Thomas in the back and left him there for a few years in tropical temperatures and humidity... you might begin to approach the stank that is my car.
*sigh* I really should take Dave out of there. His family would probably like him back. Anyway!
My apathy with driving has nothing to do with my Contraceptive Car. I'm not sure what exactly it is. But I do remember enjoying driving at one point in my life. When was that point, you ask?
When I used to drive a Big Wheels.
Now THAT was a car, my friends. I used to cruise everywhere on it. Peddling so fast that the front wheel would skid with sudden acceleration *SCRAAAAPE!*, then hitting a hill and travelling faster than my little legs could handle and so I'd be forced to break with my British Knights (remember those?).
So it occurred to me that someone needs to market a Big Wheels for adults. Fuck this hybrid revolution. The still use fuel. Big Wheels, on the other hand, are truly eco-friendly. Hippies should be riding on Big Wheels. And not JUST hippies! We could trick them out and market them to the small dicked guys with race cars and massive mufflers. We could alter them so they require twice as much peddling for the same amount of travel, and thus they would appeal to the SUV crowd. There could be a Big Wheel for every American!
We'll tear down the highway at a blistering 8mph, the chorus of our plastic wheels sounding like the trumpets of the apocalypse. Imagine it, we would be deafening in our majesty. Deaf, too. Those wheels were LOUD! Especially when they cracked.
So I took it upon myself to create a concept sketch in Photoshop of what I think that the adult Big Wheels (Biggest Wheels) should look like. Behold, the fruits of my procrastination!
And it isn't the car I'm driving. Granted, the car I drive is a more potent form of birth control than any pill or condom you can find on the market. This beast of a machine has more dirt than paint, more fur (from my dog) than carpet, and has a smell that has to be experienced to fully comprehend. Let me put it this way... If you took the skinkiest dog in the world (mine) and drove him around in that car, and then you filled it with old bags of Wendy's food that have been left to rot, AND put the body of Dave Thomas in the back and left him there for a few years in tropical temperatures and humidity... you might begin to approach the stank that is my car.
*sigh* I really should take Dave out of there. His family would probably like him back. Anyway!
My apathy with driving has nothing to do with my Contraceptive Car. I'm not sure what exactly it is. But I do remember enjoying driving at one point in my life. When was that point, you ask?
When I used to drive a Big Wheels.
Now THAT was a car, my friends. I used to cruise everywhere on it. Peddling so fast that the front wheel would skid with sudden acceleration *SCRAAAAPE!*, then hitting a hill and travelling faster than my little legs could handle and so I'd be forced to break with my British Knights (remember those?).
So it occurred to me that someone needs to market a Big Wheels for adults. Fuck this hybrid revolution. The still use fuel. Big Wheels, on the other hand, are truly eco-friendly. Hippies should be riding on Big Wheels. And not JUST hippies! We could trick them out and market them to the small dicked guys with race cars and massive mufflers. We could alter them so they require twice as much peddling for the same amount of travel, and thus they would appeal to the SUV crowd. There could be a Big Wheel for every American!
We'll tear down the highway at a blistering 8mph, the chorus of our plastic wheels sounding like the trumpets of the apocalypse. Imagine it, we would be deafening in our majesty. Deaf, too. Those wheels were LOUD! Especially when they cracked.
So I took it upon myself to create a concept sketch in Photoshop of what I think that the adult Big Wheels (Biggest Wheels) should look like. Behold, the fruits of my procrastination!
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-04-10 10:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-11 03:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-11 01:57 pm (UTC)You're a genius. Do not be surprised if the Gov't shows up on your doorstep tomorrow and threatens you if you make a profit on your idea.
*grin*
no subject
Date: 2006-04-11 03:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-11 04:29 pm (UTC)*shrug*